create the world you want to live in.

I got completely annoyed at the Democratic Party today, went to the Democratic National Committee feedback website, and ranted at them for being cowards and fools. I'd be thrilled if anyone were to actually read it, but in any case I feel better.

So my housemate Jeff found this neat thing about copy protection on the new $20 bills. This follows the discovery by users that their extremely expensive copies of Adobe Photoshop and other graphics programs won't open images of currency. (Additional article.)

They grow up so fast...

Thank God the law is being upheld.


I amused myself today by going to Mountain View Surplus to get a new hat (I lost my baseball hat in Massachusetts), then hung out with Tom and much later went to see Paycheck with Dan, since 21 Grams was sold out. I'm glad I got out of the house a bit instead of watching TV the entire time.

I'm sort of torn about this upcoming weekend. On the one hand there's an aikido seminar in Fresno with a great teacher from Switzerland who I love to see, and then a black belt test I'd like to see; on the other hand, Storm Sessions is really calling to me, not only because of the topic (relationships), but the opportunity to reconnect with the local collectives, to see people I already know, meet some new people (which I could really use), and find some new ways to get involved with stuff, since I'm discovering that single life, now that I'm not living at Houseness, leaves me a distressing amount of free time, even if I do a lot of aikido, and leaves me without a source of human interaction I can rely on. Storm Sessions is easier than driving to Fresno, so I'll probably do that and just be vaguely sad about missing the teacher this time around.

I joke to myself that it might be nice to get married and monogamous just so I don't have to break up with anybody again. It messes with my head, although much less so this time around. Whatever phase shift my brain did at the end of 2002 was a genuine change of consciousness; it was a radical change in my perceptions, but as far as I can tell it caused a major chemical change, because ever since then alcohol has affected me very powerfully, not only screwing up my body and my energy flow, but really dragging on my mood as well. Too much starch, not enough protein--I'm fairly aware of how I'm eating and how it's related to how I feel. I hardly ever want to finish a 12-ounce can of soda any more.

So I can see what's happening, I can look at myself and say, "Well, I'm making this choice, if I really want to I can make this other choice instead"; and no, things don't always look or feel hopeful, but if some corner of me is always aware and recognizing that I'm never really trapped, then I can move forward, even if I'm blind about it.

I'm re-reading that entry...I forgot. Put it all down.