I woke up before 5am this morning. This is sick and wrong, but I finished some tests on my laptop and got IBM support to ship me a new hard drive. While the quality of my newer Thinkpad T23 doesn't quite match my older 600E, the support is still good. I'm interested to see if I get any of my data back. Since the laptop wasn't acknowledging the drive's existence, I'm thinking not.

Am I old-fashioned for disliking rap music and thinking velveteen tracksuits look trashy?

Why I've liked the Sherlock Holmes stories my entire life:

"The world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes."

"It is an old maxim of mine that when you have excluded the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."

"My dear Watson," said he, "I cannot agree with those who rank modesty among the virtues. To the logician all things should be seen exactly as they are, and to underestimate one's self is as much a departure from truth as to exaggerate one's own powers."

Lots of conflict at work. I think it will be good for me to quiet down and disengage a little bit. It feels very much like when I get stuck in conflict during aikido practice.

The aikido gang talked a bit at dinner last night about why or how we started aikido. I've mostly forgotten how I found out about it...probably through Jeremy Bornstein, who is well known in the aikido family I train in. I do remember it fitting like a glove, and thinking, "I'm tired of fighting", and here were these people who were doing this solid martial practice, but helping each other as partners, not sparring as oppponents. I think that distinction, among other things, lets the communication during training be richer and more loving than if we were trying to conquer each other. It's been nice to learn how to fall safely, which involves inhabiting my body so much more; things like riding horses, riding bicycles, playing in traffic, and picking up trash by the side of the road all feel much safer. And since I'm apparently funneling all my aggression into arguing with people at work, I feel good about my ability to either defuse a non-work conflict before it gets physical, or get out of it safely-ish if it's unavoidable. (I feel like I've avoided fights several times; I think the reality is that most people don't really want the hassle, so if you find a way to give their egos a non-violent way out, which probably involves setting your ego aside, you stand a good chance of walking away peaceably. And then some other people can only really understand violence, in which case running away or a strong physical response may be your only options. The really, truly important thing is to engage the situation somehow and do something besides stand there in fear and get the shit beat out of you.)

Processing something...letting go. Maybe it's time to get out and talk to people again.