happy holidays and all.

Christmas was lovely: on the 24th Kat and I joined Rachel and Darren up at a geodesic dome house in the Anderson Valley. It rained until we left on Friday morning, but it was a very nice bit of hanging around and reading, and playing games, and eating food based 80% on some combination of butter, cheese and wheat.

And, of course, because it's me, after spending a few days in close proximity, even with people I like, I'm cranky and I don't want to be around anyone. This is particularly a problem in my dating relationships (all of them, without exception), both because there's no clear reason why this should be the case--I like this person, why would I specifically want to be away from them?--but even now I don't seem quite able to work with it. Of course there's stuff going on concurrently, like frustration with the boundaries and prospects of the relationship; but it's not clear to me that relationships exist without that element, and it seems the shape of the relationship just provides a mold to which frustration will pour in and harden. And the newly-shaped frustration looks so solid, and so very much like the relationship, that we start to think the frustration is real, and we forget about the relationship.

At any rate, this is why, when people mention me and marriage in the same breath, I say (not always with a sense of humor) that as soon as I find somebody I want to see every day, I know what to do. So, yannow. I'm sure you'll hear about it, but don't hold your breath. I'm certainly not. =)