chaos!

The new job is still on serious probation. My boss was none too pleased to hear this, after a particularly moody Wednesday, but that night and the following morning I unwound the whole thing, and realized I'd been reacting to a perceived, extrapolated future: thinking "If it's this gratuitously unpleasant to do simple things like compile code, imagine how miserable it's going to be when I try to do real work." But that future doesn't exist, except in my mind, which is fortunate, because that's where I have power. I came back to focusing on the present, freed myself of the idea that I should be accomplishing anything, and had a good Thursday and Friday. Day by day, I'm proceeding as though I'm staying there, and that will create space for underlying issues to become clear, and once that happens I can pretty easily make a decision.

I had my second-to-last sausage from Severino's Community Butcher today. I had two left in the freezer (from March[!]), so tomorrow will be the last one ever, since they closed up shop and moved to Pennsylvania. I've never encountered comparable sausage, so I may be left with the memory, unless I make my own someday (which I might, I don't think it's that hard).

I'm on a sugar fast: no sweets for a week, mainly to avoid things like baked goods. I've been eating too much sugar for the past 6 weeks, with traveling and the holidays and being an idiot, and it's really sapped my energy over a period of days, since I've outrun my body's ability to buffer the effects. Basically, I can eat a few cookies, every other day; I cannot eat many cookies, every day. So, time to buckle down. (This has nothing to do with my weight, by the way, which remains constant; just my energy level.)

Argentine ice cream just came up on chat, and in re-reading Argentina On Two Steaks A Day, I realized that the beef there is grass-fed (and possibly increasingly corn-finished). Corn-fed beef leaves me slow, lethargic, my brain turned to molasses where I can barely get up; but grass-fed beef not only tastes better (properly dealt with) but my body digests it happily, as though it were chicken or fish. So my next big vacation may well be to Buenos Aires, where there also happens to be a couch I could sleep on.


Chris