it's all you.

A Zen master was invited to a great Catholic monastery to give instructions in Zen practice. He exhorted the monks there to meditate and try to solve their koan or Zen question with great energy and zeal. He told them that if they could practice with full-hearted effort, true understanding would come to them. One old monk raised his hand. "Master," he said, "our way of prayer is different than this. We have been meditating and praying in the simplest fashion without effort, waiting instead to be illuminated by the grace of God. In Zen is there anything like this illuminating grace that comes to one uninvited?" he asked. The Zen master looked back and laughed. "In Zen," he said, "we believe that God has already done his share."

(Christina Feldman and Jack Kornfield, quoted in _365 Zen_, p. 365.)

Feeling super low-energy today, so it was good to get to the dojo for a lightweight class, to get my blood moving and watch a couple friends do really excellent tests. I'm a bit annoyed at the low energy, though: I'm still waking up at obscene hours, and even if I fall back asleep, I haven't felt rested in a few days.

That's okay, though. Every time I think I'm losing this sense of quiet, or the ability to pay attention, it's just shifting, day by day and hour by hour. It's always there, as long as I'm not attached to how it felt before.