chaos continues!

Hey, neat. At the same time Bush authorized torture abroad, he gave himself the power to declare martial law. Yay! If I'm not disappeared in my sleep by the time I'm 40, I may have to flee to China for political asylum.

I'm feeling quite a bit less hectic and stressed than last week, though it's clear that I need a vacation, and more importantly I have to keep letting go of stuff. This has been ongoing for years and years, but every now and again it kind of bunches up and I get tight like a stretched spring, and I have to relax and let go before I explode.

Once upon a time--I don't know if I was born this way--I broke into a thousand pieces. My life's task is to put myself back together. It's a long process, and most days I can't believe I'm actually going to get there. There's sort of a basic level of stability and maintaining romantic relationships that I'd like to reach; but most days, I don't really feel like I'll get there, either. It's a startling amount of self-doubt considering how cocky I am. But it's easy to be cocky about things I'm patently good at: computers, being smart, reading people. It's easy to be sure of things in my outside world. Inside is...different.

That's okay, I think.