Hey, neat. At the same time Bush authorized torture abroad, he gave himself the power to declare martial law. Yay! If I'm not disappeared in my sleep by the time I'm 40, I may have to flee to China for political asylum.

I'm feeling quite a bit less hectic and stressed than last week, though it's clear that I need a vacation, and more importantly I have to keep letting go of stuff. This has been ongoing for years and years, but every now and again it kind of bunches up and I get tight like a stretched spring, and I have to relax and let go before I explode.

Once upon a time--I don't know if I was born this way--I broke into a thousand pieces. My life's task is to put myself back together. It's a long process, and most days I can't believe I'm actually going to get there. There's sort of a basic level of stability and maintaining romantic relationships that I'd like to reach; but most days, I don't really feel like I'll get there, either. It's a startling amount of self-doubt considering how cocky I am. But it's easy to be cocky about things I'm patently good at: computers, being smart, reading people. It's easy to be sure of things in my outside world. Inside is...different.

That's okay, I think.