How odd. If I have another few days of happily socializing with people, I'm going to start suspecting I'm somebody else.

My plan to get back to being more productive at work stumbled a bit today, as has my diet--probably related. Tomorrow I'm definitely cooking myself some on-target foods. The diet's been helping, and so I notice when I eat something wrong for me: today's small bag of Doritos, for example, or tonight's pear and raspberry cider. I'm packing a lot of stuff into this week, unfortunately, and I don't know enough yet to have a sense of what I need to eat to re-balance everything and make it easier to recover.

Yet another person has said I'm a difficult person to get to know, so I'm musing aimlessly about how rare it is that I want to talk out loud about my beliefs or hopes or dreams or any such things. Or acknowledge that I have them. Is that really how we know people? In a way, I think of those as just details. My friends are first and foremost my friends; over time, discovering the nuances of their relationships and their way of seeing things, that they have a bit of a desire to hide in Appalachia doing woodcarving, this is the bonus fun part, but not really why we're friends. This stuff never comes up, or it comes up when we're busy or cracked out and no one remembers. Until I started doing something about it, there was no need to mention my latent wishes to learn blacksmithing and pottery, so that came as a bit of a surprise to everyone. But I think they know me as curious, smart, and more than a little odd, so it wasn't out of character or anything.

(I think they do not know me as humble, but no one ever has.)

It's possible my habit of privacy goes back to when I lost my friends in junior high school, or right before in sixth grade, when I told my best friend I liked a girl and he told other people. It's funny how those single incidents can compound over the years and become a way of being. Until I moved out here at 22, I never really had a group of friends that I belonged to, so never acquired the simple habit of Telling Things About Myself. Needless to say this has been great fun in romantic relationships, but I've done enough work there that I can get by.

Dunno. I used to try to be mysterious, but then as I grew up I realized that not only was that stupid and interfered with relationships, but it's thoroughly unnecessary, because I'm plenty complicated and strange without needing to put on airs about it.