onward and upward.

I'm feeling all right today, fairly balanced. I barely did any work, but I was reading stuff and actually making appointments to go see places. Then there was some nice rain, and aikido and dinner. I'll do work tomorrow. It'll be fine.

I'm going into a bit of a self-protecting mode as a result of all this: pulling a lot of my boundaries and openness back to a place where I feel less vulnerable. This will not help a lot of things, notably my love life (I don't think--girls are weird, who the hell knows), but I think it's a good "choice" for figuring out some of the lost-ness I've felt over the past couple of years. It's not just the eviction, though that's the major trigger; I've long been frustrated with some of the relationships I do and don't have, and retracting myself to a point where I'm not trying so hard will ultimately be a good thing. A friend of mine once said, somewhat enigmatically, "You try so hard, whatever you're doing"; equally enigmatically, she later said, "You care so deeply, about everything."

While true, and it makes some chunk of who I am, I don't think it's working out well for me on the whole. I figure maybe I can use this little transitional period to sort things out and get some more change going.

I still need a new bed.