We had our annual chill event up in the hills this weekend. It went well, with some exceptions including a horde of obnoxious drunks who unfortunately reminded me of the retarded jackanapes I went to college with. We had a little mini-village of tents, with a table and some chairs, and mostly it was lovely to hang out down there with just a few of my friends.
At events like this, I discover more people who I thought were ignoring me all these years, and it turns out they actually know my name. Maybe they were ignoring me anyway, or maybe I just haven't been approachable, or I haven't approached them. There's something to the rhythms and patterns of being involved with people and communities that I really just don't understand yet.
I had some time tonight and finally chased down the really cute girl I've seen biking to and from the train. She's married, of course, but very nice. I wonder if I'm getting another phase of life where I unerringly hit it off with unavailable women: for a while, I had pondered the old idea that we create the world by what we think, to the degree that all these women weren't actually married until we started hitting it off, whereupon my underlying belief that they were unavailable changed reality. Probably not. Karma, I suppose.
I rented State and Main tonight. It's one of my favorite movies, one of those great films you can tell was written by a playwright (not surprising, since it's David Mamet). I find new stuff to think about every time I see it, but the small town also pushes a button I have, the endless desire to leave and go somewhere else, to go hide in some corner of the world and just live there, like maybe the energy of doing so would generate the changes I want for myself and my life. I'm not sure how many of those you get, though, and I did one already when I moved to Wisconsin. Like then, I guess I could find my little corner and trust that everything would work out; but that's really my brother's path, not so much mine. It's a thought, though: what, really, do you need to do to create change? What can you do that's less drastic than starting over?