get back in there and pay attention.

I did a 7.4-mile hike yesterday. It felt fairly stiff, I suppose because (a) I don't hike much, and (b) the middle 5 miles was 2.5 straight uphill and 2.5 straight down. I stopped wanting to hike after a mile or so, and it became a lot like the Lassen hike, something I started and need to finish just because I started. Not as fun or impressive as Lassen, though.

I seem to be working some stuff out. My aikido has been clumsy, stiff, and musclebound lately, so I've started searching my muscles to figure out where I'm storing the tension, and what emotional cruft might be behind it. I have some leads: I've had one or two episodes of rationalizing that if I were to start dating again, maybe it would be okay this time. (Nonsense, of course, since nothing's changed, that's precisely what I thought the last five billion times, and I know a rationalization when I make one.) I haven't completely processed the last couple of dating adventures yet, so I'm probably trying to avoid that. Once I find the associated muscles in my mindspace (long story about what it feels like to consciously manipulate my nervous system), things will improve. Everything in its time.

Still love my job. My co-worker finally had his baby, so I expect to get some more work dumped on me as I now have almost-complete responsibility for our database stuff. Just something needed for everything we do to function. No pressure.