I need to pay more attention. We all do. The great human thing (you
may call it a failing or an opportunity, as you like) is that we do
not notice our lives, the moments passing by, sparkling full of
shining magic stuff if we can just manage to engage ourselves,
pop into that flowing awareness. Some weeks ago I found myself distant
and spaced out, checking in only for work and aikido, both fine
distractions as I dodged my various relationship issues and whatever
else bothers me. I started coming back, seeing a bit of what's going
on with me.
- I really, really love my job. It's the work I wanted to do, in
the environment I wanted to do it in. I've been up to my ears in this
massive change I proposed five weeks ago, and I've worked really hard
on it, and finally it's been rolled out to where everyone will be
- I'm bringing more awareness back to my aikido. I'm making efforts
not to muscle people, and I'm starting to concentrate on getting
details right, which means I'll be ready to test in June like I
thought I would.
- I have the most amazing friends anyone could ask for.
- I have roughly zero emotional attachment to the land of
California. If you could pick up the Bay Area, with its culture and
restaurants and all my communities, and move it to Seattle, I'd be
fine with that.
- In an unprecedented occurrence, I have, for the time being,
beaten out of myself any desire to date. All but one of my dating
endeavors has ended poorly; with numbers like that, it's really me,
not them; and at long last, I don't have the strength to try any more,
or the thoughtlessness to drag someone else into what would likely be
an unpleasantly doomed experience (since I have little insight into
why my relationships crash and burn, it's reasonable to assume they
will keep doing that). I'll try again, someday--some fierce woman will
make me think it's a good idea. But not soon.
That's really it. My life now boils down to work, aikido, spending
time with my friends, and looking to buy a house in one area or
another. It's so simple and rich, it's wonderful. All I have to do is
Next up: write about something besides me.