focus, and enough anger to go around.

Wednesday is work-from-home day for my team. Except for me, because I haven't found a way to set up my computers to work from home effectively. That's fine, because I don't mind going into the office: I drive instead of take the train, accept that it's a relatively low-productivity day, rest easy knowing my low productivity can't be blamed on my working from home, and then I bail early to get some food and go to both the early and later aikido classes, usually followed by dinner with aikido folk. We have here the makings of a routine.

As I would imagine, the nice girl I was dating doesn't really want to talk to me. I don't blame her. I'm back down to the one ex-girlfriend who will talk to me (and one or two who live far away and are generally indifferent). There's something about this that's changing as I'm getting older. I don't know what.

Lots of anger floating around. I tend to be angry at the crap I have to wrestle with coming just from who I am: some consequences of how I've made myself over the years, but a lot of things that are just me, that I didn't ask for, don't want, didn't choose, didn't fuck up and bring about. I came hard up against these over a year ago, now, and that's when I stopped counseling. It was really helpful with a lot of things, but eventually it came down to just being myself and living my life day to day, and by definition that's my journey alone. I'm lucky in that I have aikido as a place to transform that anger--that transformation was specifically O-Sensei's intent for the art (don't ask me how it happens, but it does).

Work, aikido, friends, house-hunting, all in even rotation, all in balance. That's really all I'm doing, and it's good.