there is still fun to be had.

NPR had this thing yesterday morning talking to people making uniforms in Alabama, and a whole bunch of stuff about how they have to not think about what might happen to the people wearing those uniforms. and I wanted to scream "GEE FUCKING WHIZ, BECAUSE THEN YOU MIGHT THINK IT'S NOT SUCH A GREAT IDEA SENDING THEM OFF TO GET SHOT AT". While every last person fervently hoped no one would get hurt wearing the uniform they were making, and did their best to direct their thoughts elsewhere, not one questioned the war. Though I know it's false, this is the simplified vision I used to have of America before Vietnam: if the government says our troops should be there, then that's the end of it.

I find it so easy to be scared off by the idea of sex or relationships: I've had enough bad relationships, and there are enough risks to sex, that it's easy fodder for anxiety, leading to withdrawal. But I like sex, and I'm good at it, so I end up missing out. And it's actually not that scary, if I apply to it the principles I'm trying to live out elsewhere: be aware, but don't waver. In aikido we call it irimi--"entering directly", we move in to engage the situation, connect ourselves to what's going on, and steer it to a peaceful and healthy resolution. Which in this case is either an honest, open relationship, or simply me getting laid--both good things. If you're sitting, just sit; if you're standing, just stand. Whatever you do, don't wobble.

I'm getting better at being me, in a wider variety of situations.