I'm thinking about the things I don't say--the way that I tell stories in a way that I think make me look better. I'm wondering if I did a little bit of that this week talking to a friend. I don't think so. No sense in worrying about it, but something to pay attention to.
Have faith in the changes you go through. Sure, you're still you, but if you change or grow, let it be, let it happen. Go with it.
Lots of yelling at work this morning, in part because of a bit of system downtime this morning, but I think mostly because people are pissed at themselves for this project I just mostly-finished, porting an existing application from an old server to our newer systems. They gathered requirements and made specifications, but they never got around to actually asking the users how they used the application and how it related to their work process. So they added "features", which of course were not only confusing but prevented people from doing their work. No one's mad at me, but as my boss says, the shit flows downhill, and I get secondary effects of people being stressed around me, and bugfixes or corrections to the application suddenly acquiring top priority. But, I'm getting my stuff done more or less on time, and I have some good things to work on.
After my weekend up in the woods I seem to be a bit more chill; less mental noise, less wondering whether life should be different. I had some time to think and got some reinforcement, a confirmation that I am at least going about things the right way. I went back to aikido tonight after about 10 days; I got my ass kicked (my teacher threw me a few times and #3 was one of those falls where I land right on my ribs and get the wind knocked out of me), but I feel like I can use aikido to help my muscles relax now, rather than necessarily creating more tension. And I was so tired and winded I was buzzing with energy in a way I don't remember.