whiskey tango foxtrot

So far, with anti-inflammatories and frequent breaks, I am defeating the evil tendonitis. Not surprisingly (this happens with just about every physical complaint I have) I can trace it to some tense/twisted skeletomusculature, this time in my shoulder and my back, and focusing on relaxing that makes it all better. I'm not sure which particular emotional twitch is causing that tension, but that will come in time, and the tendonitis (at least this degree of flare-up) will be gone.

Pretty tired at the moment...I think my schedule of getting up early and not going to bed early enough to compensate has me a little ragged. My ego is tired as planned, but there's a balance of being just tired enough to tire the ego but still being rested enough to hold everything stable and together in the core. Work's a bit nuts, as well, as a couple of vaguely insane deadlines loom for Friday and I honestly don't know if I can meet them. I'm trying not to care too much, but again there's a balance between detachment and complete cynical apathy--which is harder to maintain without enough rest. Life is so complicated.

But the world is a nice place. There are all these magical things happening, and I'm starting to feel interesting dimensions in my relationships and connections to people, things I don't really understand. It's like when I come out the other side of this tunnels I'm a different person and I don't know myself or how I relate to people quite as well as I used to, and it's better, but I have to learn a bunch of stuff all over again. Some of it is connected to the ending of relationships: I've left the last two substantially changed, and it seems like each time I forget how to have relationships. I'm probably just terrified. *smile*