I've discovered that I like Sarah McLachlan. Rather a lot, in fact. As long as I don't listen to "Adia" or "Angel".
Piled on top of Indigo Girls, Tori Amos, Ani diFranco, and 10,000 Maniacs, this does nothing to lessen my reputation for being a liberal-arts college lesbian.
Think I'm stereotyping? I dare you to survey lesbians at liberal arts colleges and report back what music they listen to. Go ahead. Start with Smith.
Uh huh. That's what I thought. Stereotypes sometimes exist for a reason. :-) (Same goes for anything I say about the driving habits of Chinese grandmothers in the Bay Area. Share the road with some Chinese grandmothers and get back to me.)
Hrm. That may have been a little confrontational. And why, really? You're an anonymous reader to me. I only know of a few people who read this, and I don't have any beef with any of you (I mean, come on, secretaries at my dad's office?). I'm normally very good about not taking out my moods on other people (unless you've been unfortunate enough to be dating me, but that's a quite separate can of worms), so it must be the facelessness of electronic communication, the same thing that leads people to send things via email that they wouldn't dream of sending even in a written letter, let alone face to face. It's so fast, so easy, that we don't use it as thoughtfully as we do other forms of communication.
I got some bodywork today, for the first time in months, and the first time I've seen this particular woman since I was laid off in 2001. It was wonderful, although it's the nature of her work that it's often difficult to say why exactly I feel better, or what in my body she's fixed: it's a bunch of energy-based and light-touch massage stuff, focusing on alignment and...I honestly don't know what she does. She puts her hands on my body and listens and gets information. I doubt she could explain it either. It just works. She's nice, I like her. And I think I was right to some extent about my sense of distance being something of an energy blockage; she also pointed out that distancing is a way of defense against anger or other emotions, and I know it's my personal favorite defense mechanism, so it's probably related to the Shadow popping up and the effects it's been having recently.
I've been in a mood for most of the day, indeed most of the past week or two. A bit down, and tired...all an expression of the Shadow, rising to the surface as my head clears. I tear up sometimes, and I can feel its expression in the random aches and pains of my body (almost all of which are themselves inconsequential and I'm not bothering to treat the symptoms). These are all good things. Not necessarily fun, but I'm not the least bit miserable, and eventually I'll have the basic answers I need to the questions about why I am the way I am. In the end I'll be able to move in the world with honesty, integrity, and freedom; I will see clearly inside and out, and I will again be able to be close to and help people. All in good time, and for the moment it's right now, filled with more important things to focus on.