You know, just when you think you're cynical beyond hope, something brings a tear of joy to your eye.
Apparently I'm allowed to watch movies I already own now, using a DVD player on my computer for which no one has paid the appropriate extortion fees.
I had an interesting day, always on the verge of falling into being sad...remembering a single happy moment of the past two years, even just a month and a half ago when things seemed so simple and upbeat and happy. A single moment of a laugh, a smile, a touch, a hug. The final hug, maybe. Who knows.
I found a way to get to sleep, though, to keep myself out of the fog: I have the Zen Mountain Monastery Liturgy Manual, which among other things has the Heart Sutra and a piece called Identity of the Relative and Absolute, whose origin I don't really know. So I read those out loud a few times and I was able to take a nap.
No phone call from job people who were supposed to call me. And I'm tired now.
Will it be okay someday?