*cough* *cough*

Still sick, although maybe a little better. I'm astonished at how simply tired I am...I went to the dojo to say hello to everyone and drop off my check for January, and Sensei suggested maybe I could just stretch, and of course I'd brought my gi in case I felt like training, so I did some stretching, but started to get really tired as soon as there was actual movement. It felt wonderful to get back on the mat with those people, and I realized that I've missed them, and they're really loving and wonderful and caring and good people. And so am I, even if it's not always clear to me.

Real family is cumulative, and you're not necessarily born with all of it.

I've been thinking about a girl I dated for a short while at Skidmore, partly because someone on chat mentioned cute Asian girls, and partly because as I think about it she was my most honest relationship and (probably not coincidentally) the only one I it was easy to keep talking to after we stopped seeing each other. Although I may be romanticizing that, my memory is pretty bad.

She's a pretty talented concert pianist, and in computer science class I mentioned that George Winston was playing down near Albany (we were about 30 miles north); she hadn't heard of him, but at some point her mother mentioned that he was good stuff, so we ended up going together and having a lot of fun. She was sort of taking some space away from her boyfriend of a couple years, and I was still recovering from what remains my least healthy relationship (complete with codependence--ew) and wasn't really game for anything deep. So we were honest about what we wanted from each other--fun, companionship, and eventually sex, but nothing more. Even for that I was pretty shielded and closed off, but we had a good time with no stress and few expectations.

Okay, there was a little stress, like the time I went to stay at her house and she ended up talking to the boyfriend for a couple hours while we were supposed to be watching a movie. But in general there weren't any problems or anything. That may not sound like much, but I've discovered that to have something that honest and enjoyable and mutual and free, without strings or obligations, is a rare and precious thing.

I'm really enjoying this whole "now" thing, and apparently a number of other people have also made the change and are happier for it. Whee!