Yesterday, lured by the promise of fresh air, I went for a walk in the hills with Ann and Jason and their dog. This was good, but I lost my voice and was completely exhausted by the time we got back. I still am, and it's amusing to hear me try to talk, but I got to hang out with them for a few hours, which is always nice, because they're the sort of kick-ass people that ultimately make this place worth keeping (they're from Virginia and have also considered moving elsewhere over the years, but we were talking about accepting the fact that we're apparently stuck in California). Ann made black-eyed peas: apparently if you eat black-eyed peas on New Year's Day, you get good luck for the rest of the year. They're from the South, so this was followed by about twenty minutes of jokes about cooking everything with pork.
I'm stunned by how physically tired I am. On New Year's Eve I went to a party until 0300, went to bed at 0400, and woke up at 0700 for no reason. Today it was 0600. I was doing this in Massachusetts, too. Doesn't make any sense.
Still feeling centered and okay...still working to keep my eyes on the road, as it were, following the Path and unbinding my emotional state from the people or relationships or circumstances of my life. I'm not really happy about how my finances are going, but I'm not really stressed about it at the moment either. Either I find work or I don't, and if I don't, then I have to get rid of most of my stuff, move out of the Houseness, and find another way to be. It could be that prolonged unemployment culminating in poverty is the sign that it's time for me to do something else, although it's thoroughly unclear to me exactly what that would be.
Of course, given what the short hike did to me, and I may be contagious, no aikido for me until I'm better.
I'm exhausted, and I can feel a lot of stuff stirring inside as I reconsider my approach to sex and relationships. I can't wait to see how it turns out, but in the meantime it looks like I'll be in bed before 10 tonight.