We're currently being precipitated upon: a storm system or two moved up from the Carolinas to dump snow and freezing rain, everyone's favorite combination. We had a nice fire and outstanding roast beef with accessories, and it's been generally a fine Christmas night. Except maybe for the screaming kids, which has just been intermittent and is an acceptable part of the family experience, especially since they're my nieces.

Strange feeling tonight, with all the kid exposure. Watching my brother and his family and thinking of the life I'm currently not leading, by what I thought were mutually-agreed choices but were at some point laid down as being my fault, and probably won't be retracted as such. So strange how events impact me days and weeks and months and years later...maybe not so strange. It takes me that long to feel, to figure out or allow what I'm feeling. Even when it was the right decision.

I'm settling, a little bit. The past couple of days have been hectic, so there's been little choice, but there's a few more days (I still haven't gotten to spend any time at my coffee shop here)--well, one more day, and then Friday I'm on the road again, and Saturday or Sunday, and helping Tim move on Sunday, then I get Monday to rest before flying out on Tuesday at 0730, if I'm lucky and the weather's okay. Maybe not such a restful visit, overall, but I've gotten to see everyone more than I would otherwise. And the next time I have endless days of nothing to deal with, which is often when my moods slides, I'll be back home with a wider array of distractions at my disposal: friends, Tivo (digitally recorded television shows liberating me from having to select merely from what is currently being broadcast), wireless internet (allowing me to use my ass to prevent either the couch or my bed from flying away, at my discretion), and of course my home aikido dojo. And I got a killer high-class frying pan today, which I may or may not exchange, but if I don't then it's the only piece of cookware I actually own, and I can with some sort of intangible pride start experimenting with it and giving it my own energy and spirit in a way that I couldn't necessarily with Rachel's cookware.

I started reading this on the trip out here. Starting to feel like maybe I can find my way after all.

Hope y'all had a good holiday.