I'm still not okay, but I guess I'm managing. I'm sad about how things seem to be turning out, but people live a pretty long time and all sorts of strange things happen. In the meantime there has to be only now, and I can't obsess about what I've lost and what I seem to be losing.

Patrick Cassidy taught aikido class tonight, the former dojo-cho/head of Aikido of Fresno. He has a different sort of teaching style, and we spent the class alternately talking and practicing, mostly about the feel of aikido rather than specific techniques, much like

Sometimes the peaceful conclusion involves really hurting somebody, but you can do that and still be outside the idea of the clash. Sometimes the peaceful conclusion hurts anyway.

Five days until I visit the family. Looking forward to being out of town, visiting New England, maybe Cape Cod, hanging out with Mom and Dad and Ben. I need some time away, time to clear my head a little. Or a lot, even. Maybe I should move somewhere. Work harder to find a contract in Antarctica or something. Better, Europe. Blending and harmonizing myself to another continent sounds good right now.