Disgusting. I'm all for multiculturalism and tolerance, I really am. But some people eat some nasty, foul shit, and call it cuisine. I'm not even going to disturb you with the Japanese fetish picture someone showed me tonight. Japan is weird.

A&E had a thing on cleavage today--cleavage in art, as a cultural obsession, its relationship to larger norms of beauty. They had a segment about women competing with each other with regard to cleavage, with some discussion of this classic Vanity Fair photograph of Sophia Loren (left) and Jayne Mansfield.

    * ninja thinks that's not much of a glare, more of an 'mmm'.  :)
    19:23 <iNoah> I dunno mike.  I think I can hear the meow.
God bless America.

Lost. Dissociating a bit, nothing like Friday, but still just feeling lost and empty. I feel like I'm back in October, which isn't at all a happy feeling, because I thought I'd left October safely behind and moved on and improved things. That was the real downer about last week, it felt like such a step backwards. But it wasn't that big, and things are going okay. It just doesn't feel like it, at all, and it almost never does, and I'm sick and tired, and I have this endless ability to keep going on and on even when I don't know where I'm going or why or when I might get there, and I keep living without a clear reason except that it seems like that's the thing to do. My shoulder hurts.

I'm here for something. I can feel it nearby, taste it on the edge of my tongue, smell it in the air. I'm supposed to learn and teach and be myself, and I always feel like I'm getting ready for something. I know to some extent this is self-driven and there are doors that I need to step through on my own to get the ball rolling, but these days I can't even see the doors. What the hell am I doing? What should I be doing? I'm unemployed with little mental energy to spare for other people. These days, putting lots of energy and hope into looking for a job is more than anything else like looking to a lottery ticket to change your life, so I'm putting in a reasonable amount of effort and waiting for the next lucky break. It should come along, if I keep my eye on the ball and keep working for honesty and integrity and all that wonderful change-for-the-better crap I've embarked on; I'm hoping it will come even if I don't feel like I know why I'm keeping my eye on the ball.

Oh well. Seven days until I visit the motherland. Maybe the old hills and the famliy dog will have some things to say. Or Cape Cod Bay, which I haven't seen in so long.