Man. Sometimes your body can take it, and sometimes it can't. Saturday night was Woom, which ended up being a bit of a mixed bag. I enjoyed seeing and talking to people, but it seemed like everything that's weighed on my mind for the past few months suddenly presented itself, so I've been a little down. I'm still lacking financial stability, even though my contract may well be extended, and being underemployed does nothing for my career aspirations, which tie in to the financial stability thing (and health insurance)--you get the idea.
I've been noticeably more on edge since we got back from our traveling, maybe because of the job situation. I have a deep-seated fear that I am for some reason unemployable, which is not helped by the number of people who aren't employing me (yep, still waiting to hear from VA).
I just found out tonight that there are TEN (10) Muppet Show DVDs available, and with a special promotional code, the full set can be had for about $145, including shipping. I'm holding myself back at the moment: much as I would like them, it's not an insignificant chunk of money these days.
Today I was listening to the original Beatles version of "You've Got To Hide Your Love Away" (for those of you just catching up, Eddie Vedder did a cover of it for the I Am Sam soundtrack, which has relaunched the song into pop consciousness--at least everyone knows it's a Beatles song), and I found I was much more affected by the original...the Eddie Vedder version has a heaviness to it, characteristic both of Pearl Jam's music and the work of all the bands who sound a lot like them--Stone Temple Pilots, sometimes Everclear. His voice is very thick, and the acoustic guitar and the harmonica match that. The original, on the other hand, is much more finely arranged, with the simpler and surer elegance of a spiderweb, and the gentle vocals of someone who doesn't have to try to reach the listener--the original oozes simple lyric storytelling, while the remake oozes "oh shit, I'm remaking this timeless classic, I hope I don't fuck it up".
I guess you have a few options in approaching life, once you've got your basic needs of food and shelter and clothing more or less taken care of (I can't really speak to the experience of destitution, because it's not something I've ever had to deal with, thankfully). Living is not an easy business, generally, and your experience will probably reflect that. How bad is it, really? Do you want to get away from it all? How badly do you want to escape?
In your personal path through life, walked by you alone and shared with no one, intentions count for a lot. The "why" of your actions is very important, and becomes even more important as you start to encounter powerful things in the world which are not good or evil themselves, but have an awful lot of potential either way: science, drugs, sex. How these things affect your life and the lives around you will depend on how you use them, which in turn will come from your intentions. Are you using drugs to escape from your life? Or are they just added experiences to help you learn and get a different perspective?